5 Greatest Singaporean MRT Woes

Everyday, 2.5 million people ride the MRT. That’s 2.5 million potentially pissed off people, morning to night.

Here’s what pisses me off, every single day.

1. Manspreading

When I’m sitting next to you, and you do this like you have gigantic invisible dinosaur balls:

YTczNWJmODUzMyMva0NZWm9zZFRGdEhKRG5OWnR5cnNPQmh3SlRvPS8weDI4MDoxMjY2eDEwODAvODQweDUzMC9maWx0ZXJzOnF1YWxpdHkoNzApL2h0dHA6Ly9zMy5hbWF6b25hd3MuY29tL3BvbGljeW1pYy1pbWFnZXMvcGIxdG9mM3VpcnUyZHB5bWJ2YmgwY3d5bmRhdnd3aGUxZ3o4ZGh5eWJ0Z2JjYWRyNmI4emR6ejB3eWZ2eWThen you kinda make me want to set your balls on fire and do this:

tee off

2. When people #clusterfuck at the door…

You’re familiar with that boiling anger when the door is like this:

MRT_amk_0

 

but the inside is actually like this:

Population Debate In Singapore Fueled By Government White Paper

 

It just makes me wanna just smash something. Anything.

angry

3. When it stinks in the morning

You know exactly how this happens. The door opens, people walk in. There’s nothing at first, but as the train starts to move and the air inside moves along with it, you start to think you’re downwind from a pig farm.

You really want to react like this…

smells

But you rein yourself in and be all polite like

subtle gross

4. It’s peak hour and you see pole dancers

You see people just leaning on those poles you desperately need to hold on to and they think they’re like

sexy pole dance

 

You secretly wish they’ll somehow end up like this guy

Fail Pole dance

 

5. When people just don’t give a shit

You want to get off the train but everyone just behaves like they’ll die if they don’t get on so they just rush you in the face.

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and all you can do is to get bounced around while you mentally cry for help

help me

 

So. What’s YOUR greatest public transport woe?

 

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The Thaipusam Transgression

I’m not Indian.
I’m also not Hindu.
But here’s what I’d like to say about this whole Thaipusam music furore.

I used to work in Little India, more than 4 years ago, when musical instruments were still allowed. I remember crossing the street near Hindoo Road, then slowing down to a halt as I watched the procession go by. I would end up late into my office that day because of that magical feeling I get from watching the procession accompanied with music. It felt magical and there was a true sense of culture, heritage and pride.

Today’s Thaipusam bust-up was not caused, fuelled or otherwise encouraged by alcohol. Today’s conflict is a summation of all that is wrong, a sense of injustice that has finally boiled over.

It is a rejection of the idea that in multi-cultural Singapore, a Chinese New Year Lion Dance ruckus is acceptable, that a Malay Wedding complete with loud drums and singing is alright (Remember how we hounded Amy Cheong?), but a Thaipusam procession is somehow not alright.

So, no.
This isn’t alright. This is not the way we should behave and treat people.
Return the music to Thaipusam.

That’s all.

7 Ridiculous Celebrity Baby Names

This one’s a follow up to my last article about ridiculous Taiwanese celebrity names, by popular demand.

1. Pilot Inspektor (Son of Jason Lee)

Pilot Inspcktor

We kickstart this list with a doozy. Actor Jason Lee named his child “Pilot Inspektor” because he heard a song on the indie rock band Grandaddy’s 2000 album The Sophtware Slump and it stuck with him.

The only thing that’s gonna stick with his son is life-long trauma.

Facepalm

2. Moxie Crimefighter (Penn Jillette’s Daughter)

moxie-crimefighter-jillette-all-people-photo-u1

Actual quote from Magician (and outspoken libertarian in general) Penn Jillette, “Moxie is a name that was created by an American for the first national soft drink and then went on to mean chutzpah, and that’s nice.”

I hope she has enough Moxie/chutzpah to fight the lifetime of name-calling coming her way.

3. Buddy Bear (Jamie Oliver’s Son)

jamie-oliver-pic-rex-image-1-118631185

This name is proof that Jamie Oliver is useless anywhere outside the kitchen. BUDDY BEAR was the name his wife chose for their son. She actually said: “I just like the name Buddy, I thought it was sweet.”
What kind of dad let’s his child be called BUDDY BEAR??? I give up.

Too Far

4. Sage Moonblood (Sly Stallone’s Son)

Sage Moonblood

I like Slyvester Stallone and all, but do you know something else that has blood coming out of it every lunar cycle? Yes I’m talking about periods. I went there.

WTF

5. Kyd (David Duchovny’s Son)

Kyd

No I’m not Kydding you. David Duchovny had zero fucks left to give and decided to name his son, Kyd. Either that, or he was totally high. Also, Kyd really is just a mis-spelling of “Kid”.

Zero Fucks given

6. North West (Needs No Introduction)

spl783293-001

You had to have seen this one coming. I just want to know why North? Why not South West, or Journey West, Go West, etc etc etc? Is this one of Kanye’s “concept” names?

Two Idiots

 

7. Bronx Mowgli (Pete Wentz’s Kid)

Bronx Mowgli

I have a theory that when Bronx Mowgli was made, it was in a busted-up hotel room and a rerun of The Jungle Book was on TV. Either that, or the couple were making a play similar to David Beckham’s naming of Brooklyn, but fell ridiculously short.

Fail

6 most WTF Taiwanese Celebrity Names

I’ve been wanting to do this one for a while now. I’ve never gotten the naming convention for Taiwanese Stage names. Some of them make zero sense, some have ultra bad spelling and some are just plain wrong. Like the ones on this list…

Show Luo

tumblr_m7yf9v3uFo1qcuomw

Okay, so you think you’re really cool. You can also put up a Show. So you decided to just call yourself Show? If you were trying to be smart, you just proved otherwise.

Jam Hsiao

Jam_at_2012_Macau_concert

Yes his responds to the call for “jam”. Why someone would name himself after pureed & caramelised fruit is beyond me. Worse still, if you’re going crazy while stuck in a jam, it’s his full stage name. I CANNOT EVEN.

Alien Huang

str2_gx_2309_6col_9882309

Really? You’re going to name yourself after an extra-terrestrial being? Is this because you think you’re out of this world? Gimme a break man.

Deserts Chang

huayi1_0

She’s not even named after sweet desserts. She called herself a DESERT. Dry, arid and merciless. She doesn’t even project a badass image. No. Just no.

Mini Chang

Mini-Chang-1

No relation to Deserts Chang, but just as ridiculous. I wanted to find out if she was really mini in size but her Facebook photos show her as very average in size.

Rainie Yang

Rainie_Yang_2010

This one takes the cake, and eats it in one bite. What the heck kind of spelling is this? Also, why would you want to name yourself after inclement weather when you look like sunbeams radiate from your ass?

Review: Kintaro Bento – 73 Circular Road

I dropped by Kintaro Bento a while back for lunch and I think I found a little gem.

The little restaurant, just down the street from Dojo, was almost full when I got there. I was lucky to get the last single table, quickly served by one of the very friendly staff there.

What I liked about the place was how quickly everything was done. At the same time, I didn’t feel like anyone was annoyed or rushing me into anything. It was a pleasant change from the usual service attitude I was used to.

I asked them for a recommendation, and they immediately gave me an idea of what I should order. The Chicken Soboro Bento, according to them, was one of their best sellers.

Consistent with my earlier experience with the seating, I was quickly served with my bento. The Chicken Soboro is a sweet, savoury treat accented with the taste of pan-fried soy shiitake mushrooms. The rice and miso-marinated chicken soboro would not have made an impact on me if taken seperately but when mixed together, it was rather satisfying.

I also had the chance to sample their Tender Gyudon Bento. The slides of beef were tender as promised, had just enough fat and sat on that same bed of fluffy rice. I loved that the portions were just right, not too much rice and not too little meat. If you like eggs, you’ll also be happy to know that this bento comes with Ajitsuke tamago.

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Source: kintarobento.com

As for other items on their menu, the ladies would be glad to know that there’s a low calorie Salmon Bento, perfect for those of you who want to eat lean and clean. I saw quite a few ladies (and guys) tucking into this one.

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Source: kintarobento.com

If you’re a carnivore, they’ve also got you covered. The Double Happiness Beef & Pork Bento will end your meat cravings for the day. It’s a mixture of their best selling stamina pork garlic & gyudon and comes with Ajitsuke tamago with runny yolk and the requisite vegetables.

Kintaro Bento is located at 73 Circular Road and is open at the following timings:
MONDAY-FRIDAY 11:30-15:00
MONDAY-FRIDAY 18:00-21:30
SATURDAY            18:00-23:00

Some of the best #facebookdown tweets

What did The Internet collectively do when Facebook and Instagram went down for an hour today? They collectively contributed to the #facebookdown hashtag on Twitter. These tweets genuinely made me laugh:

For example, this genius tweet with all the #win:

Screen Shot 2015-01-27 at 8.55.28 pm

 

 

This Classic one…

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This WAS actually my face when I logged into Twitter

Screen Shot 2015-01-27 at 8.57.38 pm

When we realised what was happening, we collectively had a moment like these 2 Bros:

Screen Shot 2015-01-27 at 8.53.37 pm
 

I know some people who would do this…

Screen Shot 2015-01-27 at 8.52.25 pm

Because I live my life on Facebook, I may have done this…

Screen Shot 2015-01-27 at 8.54.33 pm

I honestly did imagine this would happen…

Screen Shot 2015-01-27 at 8.54.00 pm

 

Of course, Facebook must have been in crisis management mode…

Screen Shot 2015-01-27 at 8.55.42 pm

Review: ZA for Men’s Ultimate Moist Grooming Product Line

I was able to get my hands on ZA for Men’s Ultimate Moist Hydrating Moisturiser and Deep Cleansing Gel early!

The ZA Men’s Ultimate Moist Deep Cleansing Gel and Hydrating Moisturiser promise to turn dry skin into fresh, moist skin using Hyaluronic acid, an ingredient known for its excellent moisturizing effect.

This cleansing wash and companion moisturiser was specially created for those of us who work in an office environment.

main_ultimate_moist
This is what ZA promises with its Ultimate Moist products

I was a little sceptical about the last promise, mostly because I am consistently in an air-conditioned environment and I know exactly how damaging it is for my skin. The ZA Ultimate Moist Cleansing Gel and Hydrating Moisturiser set would have to stand up to long stretches of dry office air and keep my skin smooth and hydrated throughout the day.

When I first used the cleansing gel, I was pleasantly surprised by its “energy capsules”. These mini capsules are filled with Vitamin E and C, formulated to energise skin, giving a refreshing feel when applied to the skin. I think the taurine also freshened up my skin. The best part was that my skin didn’t feel dry after the wash.

ZA Facial Cleanser

I used the companion moisturiser twice a day, once before I go into my office in the morning and once more before I sleep. The moisturiser promises 24-hour hydration, increased radiance and healthier skin. It also absorbs very quickly. I don’t like spending too much time applying things onto my face, so it was nice that the moisturiser was quickly absorbed into my skin.

Besides the fact that there is no hassle, I’m also happy to report that the minty coolness of the facial cleanser also carries over to the moisturiser. While my previous moisturiser has a similar effect, it somehow caused my eyes to water when I applied it below my lash line. ZA’s Hydrating Moisturiser, however, did not give me this problem.

Would I use it again?
Source: makeupdirect.co.nz

This is a definite yes.

After using the set for a week, my skin felt smoother and less dry. That, coupled with the fact that my skin felt refreshed after a quick wash, made all the difference for me.

The ZA Men’s Ultimate Moist Deep Facial Cleansing Gel (100g) will retail at SGD9.90. The companion Hydrating Moisturiser (50g) will retail at SGD12.90. Both items will be available at Watsons from 29 Jan 2015

This article was originally written for Daily Vanity. Check their website out for more awesome articles!